Changes in relationships since the 19th century

Valentine’s day, a day to celebrate love of all forms, was this Monday and as I walked around campus, I reflected on how open relationships are. Couples hold hands, show public displays of affection, and spend time alone. Relationships, especially those between a man and a woman, have advanced remarkably far in the past 200 years. In the 1800’s relationships took place entirely in public spaces, in the 1900’s relationships began the migration from public spaces to private spaces, and now relationships can exist in any space. This change in relationships is displayed by the relationships in Emma, Mrs. Dalloway, of my peers.

For upper class women in the 1800’s, courtships were highly ritualized to prevent the mixing of classes. A relationship between a man and a woman existed in public spaces, and in the company of others. The standardization of relationships was to prevent mixing of classes, and to ensure the sexual legitimacy of the women. Flirtations were regulated, centered around inanimate objects, and feelings were rarely said out loud. Emma Woodhouse in Jane Austen’s Emma had highly controlled relationships indicative of the 1800’s. At one point in the novel, Emma and Mr. Elton were alone in a carriage, which was a private space. This was a huge break in protocol, and it led Mr. Elton to profess his inappropriate love for Emma. It was considered dangerous for young men and women to inhabit a space alone in this time period. Soon after, the barriers began to break down, and relationships between a man and a woman inhabited private spaces too.

In the early 1900’s, the style of relationships was undergoing drastic changes. At the beginning of Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf, Clarissa Dalloway takes a walk by herself in the metropolis of London. The newfound individualism of women helped to cement the changing relationships between men and women. This freedom of women was caused in part by the advent of new public spaces such as department stores. Going shopping was a legitimate reason for women to travel by themselves. The independence of women saw the break down of the strict regulation of feelings and interactions between men and women. Relationships began to progress from only existing in public spaces, to existing in private spaces too. Men and women were allowed to have and express feelings. The distinction between private and public spaces in terms of relationships began to break down.

In the 2000’s, relationships are open and temporary. There is nothing wrong with a man and a woman spending time alone in private spaces; it is accepted and almost promoted by society. Spending time alone with a significant other is an integral part in developing a lasting, strong relationship. Relationships exist in private spaces and public spaces, and both are necessary for growth. I am in a long term relationship, and I am thankful for the changes that have taken place in the past two hundred years. My relationship has thrived in both private and public spaces and I think it would not have survived as long as it has had it only been allowed to exist in public spaces.

Valentine’s day is a day for couples to express their love and devotion for each other in public and private spaces. Professing such love in public spaces would have been frowned upon 200 years ago. The characters in Emma, and even the characters in Mrs. Dalloway would be surprised by the ease at which relationships today exist in private spaces.

Woolf, Virginia. Mrs. Dalloway. Orlando: Harcourt, Inc. 1925. Print.

Austen, Jane. Emma. New York: Penguin. 1815. Print.